fucking pissed u fucking idiot!

wont u fucking understand!

can u stop asking damn it.

failed once again.

never gonna make u happy?
never be good enough for u?
never to not talk back to u?
never to care ur feelings?
never showed my respect to u?

i'm so sorry!
but i clearly love u so much and i will try to be better.
i promise you my words.

i will change for the sake of making you happy.
i will not be the bitch that u swears at all the time.
i will be a better person for u to love k.
and of course,
i will love you more and more.

i gave u my words! and i mean it, i seriously do.

things are pretty much better now. *sigh relief* hope it stays long, till it strike him again. been happy these days, that's cuz we don't talk about it and i think he just try not to bring it up anymore. i seriously love him so much. not gonna do anymore stupid shits to get us into anymore mess.

MUHAMAD ARIFF BIN ABU BAKAR I BLOODY LOVE U!

cried to sleep afraid that the next morning everything would not be the same. but it is happening right in front of my eyes now. don't know what to do. i'm lost. he's ignoring me. i can't do anything. i'm helpless. i can only wish for a better tomorrow and hoping that he'll forgive me.

i've put in so much effort and i do not want to give up everything and lose everything. there was time, love, appreciation, care that i put into. i seriously do not want to lose everything. love him so fucking much. it's all good deed that he's thoughtful enough that we always argue. he can't stand me anymore. i'm questioning myself. am i seriously that bad?? am i seriously that idiotic to hurt him??

he's the one that treats me the best so far. and i'm the one that always been hurting so far. compare with all the old idiots. i really feel bad and tears just roll thinking about it and what happened. it's almost gonna be a year now, and i am hoping for more and longer. just wished i could turn back time to erase things that i've done to hurt him so badly. i'll never forgive myself for doing so.

he was everything to me. he was the only one that could control me and love me more than anyone could. but i've just disappointed him more than anyone could do to hurt him. i'm not the best girlfriend that i could be to him. i'm worst than an animal. really hate myself for doing so.

ps.wish for a better tomorrow.i don't want to cry no more.

SWAY!!!!!!!!

got up in the morning went to college, drove my grandfather's car to college cuz wanted to go work after class ends at 12. this time i did not cheat the parking, i parked around the housing area. saw a corner house and was so happy to see the front of the house there is an empty space, which means i can park! well in kdu, if u see free area where u can park your car around the housing area, you are consider lucky. so at that moment i was praising the lord how lucky my morning was. until i finish parking the car, sister got off the car, and i heard a middle aged man voice, saying something about the plant and all be careful. well that man was actually talking to my sis, and then immediately i told my sis ehh people's plant, be careful i help u take ur things u faster close the door. i was aware that the man's voice wasn't pleasing at that time. but anyways i got down the car and i make sure that the car wasn't blocking the way or whatsoever. i was being very considerate and i did say that alright i don't think i'm blocking anyone, purposely wanting the man to hear that. and so sis and i walked to college.

so class ended around 11ish about 12. when ms.lopez says alright class end, immediately i packed my stuff and rush down the staircase while texting sayang that i'm on my way to work. that is just my normal monday routine after class i'll rush to work straight cuz work starts from 12 to 4 but class ends at 11ish or 12. so it's really tight. rushed to the car and i was something on my wind screen. that piece of paper look so familiar, bloody hell, compound of rm100! i looked around and only my car has that piece of ugly thing. i was like what the heck is this?? not fair! it must be the owner of the house, who sounded us about the plant.

rush to work and was sort of late but my supervisor understand why monday i'm always late, and so as usual finish work at 4. and used the lift down to ground floor, walked out to the open car park and insert the car key in wanted to start the engine and there again my luck. i can't seem to start the engine. tried so many times yet still i couldn't start the engine. started to panic, but i text my sayang first. to tell him what happened to me and then only i started calling my dad and everyone in the office for help. took so long and stayed under the sun for so damn long trying to start the engine, but it just couldn't start. the mechanic guy came and dad came as well and only at 6 i got to drive the car out of tech park. 2 hours k, under the crazy hot sun. got home and realize i've got sun burnt. dang!!

with the incident happen although i wasn't so lucky today and i was cursing my luck to sayang so much about it. but i have came to know something that i never did know about. Muhamad Ariff love me so damn much, he was so worried about me and keep blaming himself on so many things which obviously i'm not gonna say it out here, but i wasn't even in danger at all and it's not him to be blame on. it was simply an unlucky day and was to happen to me today. i love him so much, i always thought i'm the only one that always worrying for him and he never worry about me before cuz i thought that is just his way with his gf, but today i'm wrong, all this while, he does care and he care more that i care of him. i'm so touched and i feel so safe with him in my life. and i know all this while, it wasn't worth nothing.

Muhamad Ariff aku cinta kepada mu!!!<3

he's back for a week but hardly even have time for me. time fly so fast, two more days he'll be far away from me again, and then i have no idea how long more i'll have to wait for him to come back. i'm so sad thinking about it, but he doesn't seem to understand we did not spend time much together. it felt like all at first when he is leaving, same whole feeling all over, tears start rolling again. i don't want him to leave, i don't want him to study so far away, i love him too much and miss him too much to let him go. really heart-ache. i keep thinking to myself how long more will this go on? how long more do we have to stay apart? how long more do i have to wait for him to come back? i know he's doing all this for me, but i really can't accept it. i feel so lonely without him, when i'm sad all i can do is just call him, not hold his hand or lay next to him. and i'm always worry for him, he's so far away from me, if anything happen to him there i'll be the last to know about it.

SAYANG i xnk u balik stu, sedih taw? i akn rindu u sgt2, knape u xphm lgsung and bg i ikot u?

yesterday i was so happy that i can spend time with him, today i'm very sad thinking that he'll be leaving soon and we hardly spend time together. no one understands me, no one knows what i'm feeling right now.

exactly 3 weeks i waited for u to come back, miss u so much and so much has happened in 3 weeks. sometimes moments was just so sweet and happy that i want it to stop right there where it is just the two of us and no one else. when it comes to argue, i really hate and regret for making u so pissed off at me and silly things i've done or said to u. Sayang sorry la, u know i still love u no matter what, and i seriously know you do too although sometimes i say i don't to pissed u off again. that is what i call LOVE =))))

Destiny....can be replace with fate. and if u were to ask me again what is fate or destiny it means, things happen for no reason. it just happen. for example muhamad ariff and kweh sue-ping.

i would just like to spill out what i've heard today from a friend of mine, her mother said this "if there's fate means there is, what to do if u have already love the person, there's nothing can avoid it" after hearing what she said, i was so frustrated with my life, i believe in fate for the both of us since the day we met.

we are meant to be together, for no reason, we are together and we love each other so much. i've always thought of us that way. but for some reason, my parents just doesn't accept him. it's my happiness, its my fate with him, and it really makes me feel like i have a horrible life and very frustrated with my life because of them.

i know life is never fair, but i don't understand why issit him that they don't accept, i never wanted my life to be fair or thought it would be fair, i only want them to accept him. because i love him so much that i can't loose him. and i believe everything happen for a reason, and i would try although i fail.

tears tells it all.

thing are not getting any better now. sigghs.

but what i wish for is u to not give up hope on me. i know i will proof them wrong and things will come down it to. what i need most now is u by my side, walking hand in hand with me, please, that's what i pray for. you are my energy when things aren't working out, you are the joy that lift up my smile, you are the care bear that care for me, you are almost my everything now that i just can't live without.

before going to sleep every night, hoping and wishing for a better tomorrow. tearing into my dreams and been having restless nights.

my emo crap is back. i dunno why the fuck am i feeling like this, seriously, it's so much going on inside my head, i'm so sick and tired of it. i want a great escape with him. i don't even know how to tell it to someone how i am feeling right now. i love him so fucking much, why can't anyone fucking understand me? why issit so unfair to the both of us?? why the hell issit like this?

just fucking face it that we love each other so damn much, and please stop trying to separate me away from him, cuz i never will leave him.

worst come to worst, if i can't stand anymore of ur shithole trying to ruin us, i'm gonna run away from this house. and i will prove to all of u that we are fucking serious about our future together and we will stay by each other no matter what happens cuz i'm fucking in love with him and so does he. end.

sometimes we don't have to go on a date.

sometimes it's not the things that he buy for me.

sometimes it's not what say to me.

it's just the time that we spend together(:

doesn't matter where we go.

doesn't matter what we do.

doesn't matter how long we have.

as long as we are together(:

ILoveYouSayang.

Sue&Ariff.

new year, new start

things are slowing down with him now. hopefully it's a good sign for a new year, but on the other hand, college is giving me creeps. sighss.

i found out today that what XXX actually thought about me after the whole dude thing. i can't believe XXX thought i was trying to destroy their relationship. no wonder XXX doesn't tell me stuff anymore, and i thought it was cuz of my whole bf thing and XXX thought i wouldn't have time to listen to what XXX has to say. i seriously was so fooled by it, found out today i felt disappointment. although it has been a while already, but things will never be the same anymore. just like the red-riding hood story, no more trust like how we used to :(

i would like to say: I LOVE MUHAMAD ARIFF SO SO MUCH!!!
last night i waited for that stupid guy one hour plus for him to finish work and to come fetch me so that we could go out. surprisingly i wasn't angry at him at all, cuz i know he needs to finish work first and once he habis keje he came without any excuses. when he reached, he got down and hugged me and kissed me and didn't want to let go and was so over whelmed, and told me his new year's resolution and it all related to me :D i was so touched. seriously i love him so much, and so does he. we love each other so much.

p.s: we may have problems, but whenever we are together problems fade away.