tears

i'm emotionally unstable now. i can cry anytime, which i hate it. i feel like a baby, but it just hurt me so much inside and no one seems to understand my feelings and i can only cry it all out. they are so worried about me getting hurt by him and so, but they are the one that is hurting me now. i feel so bad for him that they do not understand what and how much he did for me. everytime when i think about it, only worries and fear come to me and so my tears start trembling down again. i tried to be strong, but i can't even pull a face infront of them.

ps: bestfriends are bullshit.

rahh-rahh-ra-ahhahh

all of a sudden i just feel like shouting and let everything all out. i love him so much! yes i LOVE him so much and that whatever he says i'll try to just listen and follow. he has changed me so much, seriously

• stop smoking
• stop clubbing (which i hardly in the first place)
• stop drinking
• stop coming back home late
• stop all the wild shits
• going to college
• don't argue with parents for his sake

i am doing all this because of him and what he thinks of me. he's the only thing that motivates me right now. i realise when everything falls, he's the only one that will be by side to guide me through, not even my closest friend which i've known for year or my family which i lived my whole life with. i just feel so sad and lonely when i think about that, my heart feels like it just stop beating for 10 seconds but when i recieve a text message from him i will feel all energized and happy again. feeling like this has been hauting me for days, and it feels like shit. he's the only one that i need to put a smile on my face everyday.

you make my heart right round right round

sigh. so many things happened and we made it through which i'm so proud and happy that we did. it's a serious thing that i have for him, but no one seems to understand that. bunch of racist @#$%# those !@$# just make me feel so sick and hurt. i am practically lost with my future now, but one thing i'm sure of is that he sacrificed so much for me that i can hardly expected and i'm really touched of what he did for me and i really want him to be a part of my future now. i do not care what happen next, but i will fight for him till my very last breath, i swear i will.

p.s he is a part of my heart now, and i'm not gonna go anywhere without him.

just want you
be by my side with me.

really do want
you.

back with news.

i'm back from ns. well surprisingly a lot of ppl thought i couldn't make it. haha well i was a ic squad in there for 3 months and i nilled it so shut up. lots of scandal in there haha well only into one guy and guess what i am with him=) he's not the kinda guy i would date but well give it a try, he's funny though. really should go look for a job now feeling useless and unproductive everyday. college will only start in Jan. so....a part-time job or something, unless someone wants to take care of my financial state ;P

sighhh

alahhhh stupid thing. i posted something the other day but why isn't it there?? damn it. wasted my energy. anyways i don't wanna marah-marah la i wanna say something much more important than this.

well...leaving tmrw for NS. like finally. anyways that's not the point. the point is i really do hope that u'll come visit me. seriously although is damn random (i know) but...i dunno i just have this something inside of me wanting to see u and talk to u more. even though i know it's impossible for us to go further than that but talking to u or seeing your name on the chat box makes me smile and happy.

seriously i dunno what's with me i think i'm confused. and u are complicating i know but i think i'm attracted to u. there i said it. sigh...i really am confused. hate this. i know there's not even a chance that u'll be reading this. that's why i have the guts to say it out here. i'm still waiting for the one day to come.

-end

F.A.M.I.L.Y

Jan 2009

Jan 2008

Jun 2007
Dec 2008

Dec 2008

Dec 2007

Dec 2007

Was using my dad's comp playing restaurant city, then got bored of it so searched for songs to listen but i couldn't find any songs, instead i found my family...this is random but thought of posting some pictures to flash back a lil bit of memories.

it's planning time

Three more days to go and I'm finally off for good. Though I'm not that happy with it but whatever at least i got back what I'm suppose to. So won't be seeing me at TCM anymore. Ohhh FYI alliance is a shit-hole company. DO NOT work for them! Sigh gonna miss my colleagues so much. They are hell lots of fun! haha memories.

So since I'm gonna be free for quite some time this is what i came up with. My to-do list, i have to fill in my time with a bit of plan,

• Help out with house chores
• Exercise at least twice a week
• Call my bitches out to hang
• Voluntary work in old folks home
• Get tan lines (=
• Get my pay cheque
• Surprise my colleagues
• Need to increase my social life
• Need to do something with my hair
• Maybe bake a cake
• Get done with college's stuff before NS

These are the things i need to get done with before NS and to fill up my time. Ohh if it's possible maybe work part time in f&b line. Would love to.

Btw can't wait for Friday to come. Hopefully no one ffk the plan. Ming is gonna be the luckiest arse ever to have me and bun (=

MCB MCB MCB!!!!!

Blardy hate you asses!!!

Just because i'm a 18 year old girl hello! don't try to be funny with me okay, i know what's happening and don't bloody labour me or i will see u in court, u jackass!

Ur company is bloody big okay is it that bloody hard to bloody pay a part-timer?? MCB! I will make it a big deal if u want to be funny with me. ALL OF YOU WATCH OUT! MCB!!

Do you think life is fair?

Is money enough for you?

Are you happy with your life?

Are you strong enough to face circumstances?

Are you tired of all this?

Do you think you understand what it really means?

Is all what you are doing enough to you?

Are you being forced to do what you don't want?


All the answers above are kept inside and it's really hard to face it or even show it. It's not easy to let things go the way u want it to be. Don't let others take over you or judge you, show them what u are made of. You may have fell but that's no harm, stand up once again. Find a true friend to walk with you. So what if life is messed up? Then you should take more courage to change it and to un-messed it. Be strong mentally and physically, we are all humans and that's what humans do.

beat me.

hahaha!!! I just can't resist it. It's HILARIOUS! U saw me working and u just walk away, but the next day u came back and purposely walk pass my shop lot. haha. Isn't it funny to see me now working as a makeup consultant, as for u still stuck in your own messed up life? Go get a life, i still hate u as much as i used to. BITCH!

finally a break

I'm trying to update something but there isn't a thing for me to update.

hmmmm....what's new??

owh i'm not buying ciggarettes anymore (=

I've been hanging a lot (= i feel like i do have a life now

My dad kept forcing me to drive around with his big ass car but i'm afraid cuz the car is too huge.

I wanna cut my hair shorter but a 'annoying brat' didn't allow me to.

Need to shop for more black clothes for work.

after a while

I'm working 7 days a week in stage and ttc.

Yes i'll be loaded with cash but it's killing me.

I'm effing tired but i like it this way cuz i don't wanna be free. weird=S

Stage is paying me quite okay and i love the ppl that i work with. They are so nice=) they really thought me a lot about makeups.

Ttc...well it's fucked up. Really is. Can't stand they way they handle things they are just messed up and unorganised. Even though it's fucked up but i'm still a part of it. So no complaints and live with it.

Friends...Bun forever staying at home or either selling ice cream. Su is all the way in uk. Miriam the last time i was with her was her bday. Hari..hmm just hung out with him the other day. Matthew is always busy with his work,owh and he's getting married FRIGGIN AWESOME but the wedding is at Thai,i can't make it plus i'll be in ns.

I miss all of them like crazy, especially SU!!

I guess i'm all tied up with work and totally no time for friends at all.

Like what Hari said, i need to reschedule my time for family friends and work. I seriously have to.

starting to live with it

The coolest thing about working with ttc is *drum rolls* THEY ARE DAMN RANDOM.

So this was what happened last night, u-phun, chin chung, kok ping, amanda and I went jogging at TAMAN JAYA. Of all parks to choose they just wanted to go to the lousiest park. Supposely exercise to loose fats but after the jog we went for steamboat. hahah. Steamboat with them was kick-ass. I laughed like anything and ate more than i jogged. During dinner someone mentioned about having family dinner together every friday, so i guess more dinner together(= cool cool and also more laughter to come which i think i really need it. I used to hate friday class, but now i'm starting to like the after class activity (= cool.

p.s ttc carnival on the 18 of jan(sunday) feel free to come, u can get coupons on that day

things lately...

...been hanging alot with Hari and the ttc crew ever since i started working there...

...finally started the fashion blog with my sweety cousin...

...haven't been blogging too.haha...

...broke two of my new year resolution...

...having insomnia, so u know when to call me out for drink...

...finally realize the hectic life with ttc...

...missing sonia, all the way in uk...

...and bun, always busy with work...

AND I DON'T MISS HIGH SKOOL!