tears

i'm emotionally unstable now. i can cry anytime, which i hate it. i feel like a baby, but it just hurt me so much inside and no one seems to understand my feelings and i can only cry it all out. they are so worried about me getting hurt by him and so, but they are the one that is hurting me now. i feel so bad for him that they do not understand what and how much he did for me. everytime when i think about it, only worries and fear come to me and so my tears start trembling down again. i tried to be strong, but i can't even pull a face infront of them.

ps: bestfriends are bullshit.

rahh-rahh-ra-ahhahh

all of a sudden i just feel like shouting and let everything all out. i love him so much! yes i LOVE him so much and that whatever he says i'll try to just listen and follow. he has changed me so much, seriously

• stop smoking
• stop clubbing (which i hardly in the first place)
• stop drinking
• stop coming back home late
• stop all the wild shits
• going to college
• don't argue with parents for his sake

i am doing all this because of him and what he thinks of me. he's the only thing that motivates me right now. i realise when everything falls, he's the only one that will be by side to guide me through, not even my closest friend which i've known for year or my family which i lived my whole life with. i just feel so sad and lonely when i think about that, my heart feels like it just stop beating for 10 seconds but when i recieve a text message from him i will feel all energized and happy again. feeling like this has been hauting me for days, and it feels like shit. he's the only one that i need to put a smile on my face everyday.

you make my heart right round right round

sigh. so many things happened and we made it through which i'm so proud and happy that we did. it's a serious thing that i have for him, but no one seems to understand that. bunch of racist @#$%# those !@$# just make me feel so sick and hurt. i am practically lost with my future now, but one thing i'm sure of is that he sacrificed so much for me that i can hardly expected and i'm really touched of what he did for me and i really want him to be a part of my future now. i do not care what happen next, but i will fight for him till my very last breath, i swear i will.

p.s he is a part of my heart now, and i'm not gonna go anywhere without him.